Friday, October 23, 2009

I need a favor of objectivity

Besides draggin your hearts around the interwebs, I don't usually ask you for favors. But I feel a pressing need to do so at this time. I have three Family/Child Assessment forms that I have to return to the custody evaluator next week. It's hard to put a finger on who knows me best. When I thought to myself, "Self, who knows you best?" only one answer surfaced.

The interwebs.

And with that, I will invite you all to throw your $ .02 into the pishke. I will deliver your assessments to the custody evaluator as my compilation third submission next Thursday. Why the fuck not? You guys know me, my children, and our love better and longer than anyone except my few besties sprinkled around the nation. You've watched us grow up together, watched me and my beloved become me and my deloved. You know this whole story from stem to stern with more information than anyone he may have been schnookering me all this time.

So let's do this. (I probably won't publish the responses before submittal to the evaluating doctor)
Re Parent: Dana
Child/ren: Foo, Bub

You have been identified as someone with knowledge of this child and/or family who could help in planning for this child's custody, visitation, or treatment needs. The information you provide is not confidential and may be included in an evaluation report. Thank you for your input. Please complete and return this form as soon as possible.

Your Name (first + last initial):
How long you have been a reader of BMC, KBD, or KIC:
Comments and concerns:

Clearly my writing life online was a big piece of this craptastic puzzle. I'm grateful to each pair of eyeballs and the hearts connected to them. If you are so inclined, leave a comment below including the information listed above so there is some uniformity in response. Again, I may not publish these on the interwebs immediately -- or ever. I don't know yet.

I truly can't think of any other way to thank you for your propulsion of my voyage. If anyone deserves a fair say in this mess, it's you guys.

Please. My kids will thank you.


Trojan Curfew said...

Date: October 23, 2009

Your Name (first + last initial):Alex S.

City/State:Toronto, Ontario (Canada)

How long you have been a reader of BMC, KBD, or KIC: 3-4 years

Comments and concerns: Besides all of the wonderful personal characteristics we see daily through the words of Dana, her trip through motherhood (which she is/was kind enough to share with all of us) is so inspiring, beautiful, hilarious, and true. But most of all? Full of more love than you can imagine. The unquestioning, undying love this woman has for her children (and even for her ex-spouse, which she could have easily decided against) is so powerful. They share a bond I can only hope I will one day experience when I decide to have children of my own. She has inspired me to bring beautiful, smart, well adjusted children into this complicated world and treat them as humans...that's what they are. I held their family picture as a goal. As a perfect match made in heaven. All 4 of them...meant to be with eachother. Needless to say, I was heartbroken for Dana when I read of her marriage dissolving. How could something so perfect disappear? I felt betrayed, almost. Then, in the months passing, I watched Dana rise from the fire, pull up her boots with her beauties by her side and fight for them. Fight for what she'd always believed in, but was now risking losing. This woman has more power and spirit behind her than most of the people I've ever met combined. Between fighting for her rights, the causes she believes in and the children she's faught too hard to keep out of this mess, I think these little souls would be lost without her.

I think looking at the way she's handled these past fews months, in the most civil, calm, practical way is something that needs to be recognized. These children will deal with sadness, as any family change will bring. But with their mother, I am positive this blow will be much lighter. She is a hugely important part of their lives, and I truly believe that to avoid damaging them greatly (as they came from such a wonderful space to begin with, that's all they know) Dana needs to be in their life as much as they'd like her to be. The big changes are happening whether anyone likes it or not. The smartest, kindest thing you could do in this situation is hear their voices. You'd know in one instant that there's no where they'd want to be but by their moms side. And she is loving, smart and practical enough to know that 'by her side' means by their fathers aswell. I can only imagine she wouldn't have it any other way. They created those special bundles, and they will continue to raise them in the same beautiful, free way we've seen them do over the past few years. Different settings, same wonderful cast.


thank you, alex.
i have a feeling these mofos are going to require a lot of tish.


Staci M.W. said...

Date: October 23, 2009

Your Name (first + last initial): Staci W.

City/State: New Jersey

How long you have been a reader of BMC, KBD, or KIC: Over one year, I have kept up with each successive blog.

Comments and concerns: I want to express my support for Dana. Although I do not know her on a face-to-face level, the disappointment I felt when I thought she was leaving the blogging world was almost tangible.
From what I've seen, her children are able to express themselves completely and their interests are nothing but lovingly supported. It is evident her children take precedence in her life. Any child who gets complimented for being awesome absolutely has their mother to thank. From what I've read throughout her blogging endeavors, Foo and Bub have remained a source of sanity and motivation for Dana.
I wish her nothing but luck in her pursuit to remain a committed, involved, loving mother.

big blue house in olook said...

hi dana -
i would love your email address...
to write you a letter and to forward you my eval...


big blue house:; looking forward to hearing from you

stacy: moist, shredded tish all over the place. thank you.


Patricia in TO said...

I e-mailed my comments to doorthebarkatie - I hope that address is still good.


trojan: gutting me left and right.

big. blue. house.: holy fucking OMG. why didn't you ever just come over? don't answer that. and when i find you i will shake you and hug you. be warned. you crushed my soul in a (good, but heartbreaking) way that none other ever could. thank you.


patricia of the north: will you adopt us?

xodt said...

i know...believe me i wanted stick my head over the fence many-a-time as i sensed a kindred spirit of sorts...i, too, am somewhat misanthropic...and a self-proclaimed-but-in-a-good-way crazy in the head mama.

Cati said...

I hope I'm not too late, I'm trying to keep my job at the moment.

Date: 27 October 09
Name: Cati S.
Reader for 4 years give or take

Dana is an extraordinary human being mostly concerned about her kids' well being and learning process. She has always wanted to teach them human values, wich is something I consider important in a child's education.

She has shown great concern since day one of the divorce, being the first to suggest therapy for the kids to help them through this thime when everything is changing for them. She is ALWAYS available for them, her kids are first and above everything. She's such a devoted mother.

I'm a little worried that the kids' father travelling schedule is going to leave them under the care of their grandparents when they could be taken care for their own mother, wich for me is a much better option since Dana has the required energy to take care of two kids.

From all the above I would remark that there's nothing more important to Dana than her kids, she absolutely adores them and always provides the best options for their personal development. She always takes account of their interests and likings and empowers their abilities as much as she can. I've seen very few parents do that with their kids and I think this should be taken in consideration.

Dedication + love + consciousness equals a perfect parent.

Cati S.

hope it helps :)

Cati said...

Hum I think I forgot to put the location:

City: El Arenal, Balearic Islands, Spain

Anonymous said...

Whoa. You want people who know you ON THE INTERNET to provide information on your parenting skills for a CHILD CUSTODY EVALUATION?

Wow, the evaluators will be SO impressed that people who have never met you in person are able to give critical information regarding your fitness as a custodial parent. Really.