Monday, October 19, 2009

$hakin My Money Maker

Holy Christmas in the Summertime.

Lots has been popping off around here.

The Custody Evaluation: I sat. I talked. I left. I have another appointment next week. You will never see a man or woman as deadpan and non-reactive as a child custody evaluator. It's disconcerting, but necessary. I get that, but I still can't really trust a person who can't crack a smile when I'm keeping it comical. More to come.

I am donating my wedding dress to Brides Against Breast Cancer. I was gonna burn it, but that's dumb. There's plenty of other shit I can burn that didn't cost $3500 and nearly my life (picked it up in NYC at 8.45 am on 9/11/01). Ironically (because it was unintentionally so) and apropos, the gown in which I was meant to step into the best years of my life was returned to me by the man who wanted to see me in it in the first place crammed into a 30-gallon garbage bag. BINGO! Couldn't have said it better myself.

I got an email from my high school boyfriend tonight. We've remained close-ish and I Love You-ish over the past 18 years. What the what? I didn't realize I was that old. His email said that he'd heard some news about me last night and am I OK? He's the only man who ever loved me who has asked me that question in the past 7 months. He's happily married to a girl I knew in junior high with three kids. He lives around the corner from my mother and his dad used to joke that I was a catch too good to pass up. Because of the overpriced baggage that comes with my hometown past, I don't have the heart to respond to him. I am ashamed at the ruins of my marriage. Bagged and tagged. The irony of the news of the divorce lawyer's daughter getting divorced has trickled back to the roost. Cue the bile, chill the Vihno Verde.

Because I have the kids so much more often, I have scaled back my hours at the clinic, although things are starting to get pretty interesting in the world of medical cannabis. I am hoping that my job will be entirely work-from-home in the very nearterm.

I have also taken a second part time jobby job as a sunday brunch back up dancer. I caught shit from The Manny for taking a minimum wage gig when I have a master's degree for feck's sake. Nevermind the state of the local economy, who's going to hire your ex-wife at an ad agency in town now that the word's been out for 7 months among the ad freaks that she is batshit crazee? Suck a bowl of narcissistic dicks. I gots babies to raise and I am lucky to have any jobs at all. Viva la $8.40/hour! Come visit me and I'll try not to schvitz in your mimosa!

I am also baking like a mofo in another commercial kitchen.

And, pssssssssssssssssssst.

In the meantime, the absolute focus of my immediate attention is my young, red lad. I kept him home from school today at his request and we hookied like no mother-son team have ever hookied before. In our hookie-age, we shot an impromptu baking show. It's in the editing bay as I type. Here's the trailer. It's long, but he's money.

If there weren't so much going on, I'd do better at checking in. I have a thousand post storms stewing, and I am getting ready to launch a blogging blitzkrieg of pallatial proportions. Just as soon as I duck out of the editing bay.

Missing you like a narcissist misses himself.


karin aka perpstu said...

He just gets cuter and cuter! You should not be ashamed of "the ruins of your marriage." Following your ups and downs for the past few years, you did everything you could to keep it together. When people choose to be asshatty like the Manny, that's not your fault.

I'm glad you're keeping it comical. It makes my heart sing!

Anonymous said...

Ok, first, how can I get some cracks. More importantly, can Bub deliver them a la singing telegram? He wrote a perfect 3 minute single!

XO Cathy

tlh said...

oh my word... okay,

a. i want to eat bub! that is the best video i've ever seen.

b. i miss yalls asses!

c. right the fuck on.

d. love you!

simone said...

First!!! like fresh snow. leaving my footprints and Kissies xoxo

Erin Fox said...

I love how you are recycling your dress.
OMG! Bub is an amazing little rocker!! Still totally laughing!!
And Cracks will Rise Again!! I want to taste them and squeeze yous.

We love you D!! Hugs! E

Cati said...

So much going on, girl.
I'm happy that you're recycling your wedding dress. This way you'll always be able to remember something good came out of your wedding.

Bub's absolutely adorable. He's such a rockstar I'm still laughing.

I agree with people commenting before that you souldn't be ashamed of the ruins of your marriage. More important than the ashes is the fact that you are managing to survive and rise again like a phoenix. You've got a new life that doesn't look bad lately, even if it's different from what you pictured as your future life the day you married. Nothing to be ashamed off: shit happens and we can only try to cope with the inevitable change.

And... YAY! Cracks and general baking and baking duels. So much fun. BMF must be glad that you're baking :)


pam said...

"Suck a bowl of narcissistic dicks" Now that's money --- honey!

S said...

He is so cute!! and his new song is awesome :) cracked me up with the miley cyrus at the end lol.

You are hanging in there and doing things right... :)

Sara said...

Love the update! When I have time and money to eat out, I may come track down the hash you are slinging.
Hope all goes well with the negotiations -- the kidlets seems happy and sweet as usual!

simone said...

zomg...i skipped the vid the first time through in a hurry just clicked it and if i'd have had coffee in mouth it would have shot out nose...O M G forty seconds in and i'm dying

J at said...

He's the cutest ever, and what a ham!

Yay for baking and cracks and more time with the kids and brunch gigs and a satisfying job that you love, whether you work from home or not.

Regarding your dress...awesome. Good for you.

Don't worry, he'll get over miley. They all do. My daughter now denies ever having liked her, though the TV would have told us all different a year or two ago.

Christine said...

When did Bub hit a growth spurt? He's grown up all of a sudden.

Yay for Cracks! How will they make their way to MN?

Lissa325i said...

I am so freaking glad to see those cracks - looking as perfect as ever!! You have mad talent, in so many avenues, my dear. Now, any chance you're willing to share the recipe for that soup (which has me wiping drool from my keyboard) or is it totally top secret? :)

Jackie of the wacky said...

ya know, I could SWORN I clicked on that fucking comical thingy ten times and it never took me anywheres.
Thank god I kvetched to Karen and she sent me this link.
Barreling along I see. good for you.
I told Caine all about the marine and the cannabis ointment and the relief and the tears.He is so happy for you, just like me.