Thursday, February 25, 2010

Welcome to the day Passion Killed Money -- A Preview

* * * * *

As promised I'm back on February 25; my New Year.

For my birthday, my legally ex-husband gave to me the one gift I never wanted to get: Le divorce. Signed, sealed, delivered, and read on the record that we agreed to make the divorce immediate and final. Today.

I almost called this post "For My Birthday: One Wedding and its Funeral"

If you bring the sugar, I'll bring the lemons and come back later to fill in the glorious blanks. But for now, here's whatcha need to know:

The Hook is a mutherfukkin apocalyptical fart. Silent, deadly, and without a drop of passive to her aggressive. I raise my pearls to you, dear litigating badass of universal proportionality.

T Justice, The Hook's lady slayer and crowned prince of the family court rodeo, never failed me. Except when he failed to respond appropriately to my benign emails and phone calls rife with hilaria (hilarity/hysteria). If you weren't my attorney, you'd be my bro, bro.

In short, The Manny lost his ass. And his ass's ass. Word to the potentially separated: It's cheaper to keep 'er.

He told me a short time after I left him last spring that his job is more important than his marriage. Which is ironic, because he's married to that job now for a long effing time. And that's about all he's got to show for 10 years of some good love that could have lasted forever.

The settlement was read on the court's record and the divorce was finalized as of today. A birthday of sorts, indeed.

I'm off to fetch the skittles and revise my Happy Birthday sign into a Happy Divorce sign in time for cocktails at Tapalaya.

I have to admit, although I got vindication on just about every point in question, there are no winners here. Only a family that lost everything over nothing but one man's refusal to try to save it all. In my heart, there is nothing happy at all about this divorce. Period.

I am pleased to have some closure, some decision making power for myself and the kiddoos, and a whole life ahead of me to right my cookie cart and get back to what I know best, which is myself.

Fist bumps, team. I'm just hoping it's a fairy with butterfly wings that busts out of this cocoon. It feels like it could break open any minute, but I'm afraid of what's left inside now that it's all over.

I'll take my tragic lemonade with a shot of vodka tonight -- the good stuff. Finally I can afford it.

Big ups to the crew at SKJH, my mother who's been here all week and will finally get some restitution of her own, and all the loves around this globe who sent it my way in the form of vibes, emails, gifts to the kids, and hugs full of hope. It worked.

FKNA, you guys.

Twist one up and hand it over here.
I gots a light.

more soon,


Karin said...

Congratulations! I'm glad things are finally resolved and you have some control over life and the kidlets!

I hope you have a fantastic birthday and that your luck only continues to improve from here!

korin said...

Congrats, DT! I'm glad it's over. xo xo to you

Anonymous said...

Well happy birthday to you!!!
I'm raising my wine glass and toasting to the happiest of happy days ahead for you and the skittles.
Long time lurker that had to write and say HORRAY!!

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you will find a way to lose all the money and blame someone else.

Anonymous said...

Best news ever! I am so happy for you!

Steph said...

What can you say? I'm glad this day is done for you. I'm glad you can keep on moving forward.


Chag said...

Happy Birthday, D. Enjoy the good stuff tonight.

Anonymous said...

Happy motherfuckin' birthday my anchovy sister

Mom2Tplts said...

'bout time. You deserve it. Pumping fist.

Anonymous said...


Birthday cheers!

D Day cheers!

Cheery cheers to you!


Anonymous said...


Misfit Hausfrau said...

Here's to closure and being able to start over and move on.

uncletypewriter said...


I say it again - YES!!! Not to the demise of your marriage but to the undoubtedly satisfying while still melancholy victory. You have been through the works, Dana. And you have survived and this now, clich├ęd as it may be, is the start of something new.

Happy Birthday, Creator of Cracks, I'll raise s glass to you.

hand pecked debb said...

Happy Birthday!!!

Cheering from VA for you tonight.

S said...

Right on!!
I knew that this day would come!
Does this mean that the skittles are back where they belong?
Happy Start of Your New Life Day!!!

nydancer226 said...

Happy belated Birthday! Here's to hoping this year brings you all you wish for, or most of it, at least!

Tammy said...

Thank goodness. Let's hope, indeed, that you sprout wings and soar. You, but especially those adorable skiddies, deserve it.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday! And here's to a rebirth of sorts. I'm raising my glass to you!


traeb. said...

rock the fuck on! (i'm so hard core in my happiness for you!)

happy birthday... sounds like the year to come is going be sweet.

Anonymous said...

Happy new year and I'm sparking it as we speak. I'm glad to hear some legal something is working properly...give the skittles a squeeze and yourself a serious pat on the back. You deserve it, woman. Welcome to the rest of your new life.

Anonymous said...

Looong time lurker, but wanted to say Happy Birthday! So happy about you re: skittles! Sending you good thoughts for the year ahead!

Love from SoCal

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry that the divorce is final....but I'm so happy for you! A new life to begin and it includes the kids. You deserve all the happiness in the world. Congrats!

Anonymous said...

I'll spark one up to some resolution and a new beginning for you! Looking forward to what's next in the journey...

Another Anchovy

scarlett said...

sending love from RVA! Soooo happy for you! my word verification is sauced. :)

Anonymous said...

That is so happy making to hear!!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday dear Danaaaaaaa!
happy Birthday to YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!


from your fellow pisces
2/27 !!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

YES ! Bah Bah Bam! Happy Birthday.

superdelicious said...

Good on you for keeping your shit together and getting it done. Here's to a sweet new year!

tonia said...

Can't believe I missed the chance to celebrate and start the new year with you! It's a bittersweet ending but what a fantastic new beginning. Soooo happy that you got closure and that your rock star team did it right. Bring it, indeed.


J at said...

Oh, what great news. I'm so sorry that all of this happened, but since it did, I'm glad that it turned out as well as it could. Enjoy the good vodka.

And happy belated birthday, too. :)


heather said...

Wow! I step away for a while and look what happens. Oh man. I love when justice is just.
Happy M'F belated B'day.